DIARY ARCHIVE

I'm depressed, but I'm supposed to be doing better. I don't know how to get better? I just feel like I'm always going to suffer regardless of what happens... I hate feeling like this. I want to be liberated from what I feel now.

day is over. I don’t know what to think tbh. the day was, as always fucking miserable. I don’t know why I was expecting to have a good day.i was trying to be in a good mood and my friend ruined it, kept texting me over and over after i had already split. it’s like fine now but fuckkkk i was so pissed in the moment. everyone was so busy too and i just had no one to talk to and then boom spiral spiral. im ok but im just so fucking pissed i hate doing all this stuff so much.the only saving grace was the love of my life texting me. it’s the only thing that makes mw happy. i spoke with my new friend too, and we got along well. I’m happy im making more friends. But fucking hell I wouldn’t exactly call it easy.I missed outpatient this week and I really shouldn’t have. but fuck the only thing that makes me more miserable than trying to do literally anything that requires a degree of movement is without a doubt, most certainly, outpatient. damn thing drives me crazy. what’s the point of it helping if it, pretty clearly, isn’t actually helping. ughhhhhh. hate it hate it hate it!!!

i feel like im being watched i wish i could stop being so paranoid. i wish everyone would leave me alone. it's not paranoia if they're really out to get you.